The Canadian

The day after my divorce was finalized in October I was in a vehicle with my sister and her family heading to Disney World. You'd think I planned it or something. But honestly time just lined up that way. So as I was in the car I got an alert from the dating app Hinge. Someone was interested in me. I kind of liked Hinge a little better because instead of just swiping if someone "likes" you you are notified. So I could just sift through the guys that way. I was unsure but decided to just match with this guy. Why not? Something I didn't notice is where he was from. We matched in town so he was there but his profile said he was from Toronto. I wasn't able to really talk to him because I was enjoying Disney World. He did contact me a few days later and we started talking. He was back in Canada but told me he would return to town for work. I figured why not talk to this guy. It'd give me practice because I am an incredibly awkward person and I've been out of the dating scene for over a decade. So we texted but it was nothing serious. Mainly just sexting. I'd never done it before. I did things I never thought I would ever do. Sent pictures, received pictures. It was an interesting time. I don't think I even technically knew his last name until after 3 weeks of talking, (I really knew it because I do my research but he didn't tell me until this time.) I honestly did not expect him to come back so it was easy this way. I wouldn't have to go through with the things we'd discussed until one day he told me he had a date of when he was coming into town. I freaked out. I wasn't sure I was ready to actually meet this guy in person that had seen so much. I even told him about my freak out and he calmed me down. It's just so weird to me. He's always been one to talk me down from these weird mini panic attacks. So he arrived and I met him at Starbucks the night he came in. Just so it'd be public. I think we were there for 10 minutes, maybe, and then we were at his hotel room. Never in my life had I done anything like that. I was always the prude growing up. But I definitely was not a prude that night. I had many more non-prude moments when he was in town. I think he was in town for a month. I saw him the day before he left. I assumed that'd be it. I wouldn't hear from him again. Honestly, I would have been okay with that. We had fun times. That was it. At one point I thought I would like like him but that faded and I realized it was what it was. Sex. And then he returned to Canada. I still heard from him everyday. He texted constantly. I think he was home for 3 weeks before he was heading back here. Again, the night he came in we met up. And a few times after that. For some reason I was dumb this time. I became needy and the annoying person I never wanted to be. Outside looking in, it made no sense to me. I didn't like him. It was just sex but I would get mad when I didn't hear from him. I didn't really make plans just in case he wanted to get together. I was an idiot. Obviously he noticed this. I met up with him one night and my intention was to call off our friendship. But he was having such a tough time at work and I pitied him so I couldn't go through with it. The last time I saw him was the day before he left. I ended up spending 3 hours with him, which is way too long. Him and I should only be about sex. He's annoying as a person. He's back in Canada now. We don't talk nearly as much as we used to. The conversation is different. It's not sexual, more friendly. He tends to complain about being single. But how do you tell someone that they are single for a reason? His standards are way too high. The girls he likes are way out of his league. But that makes me look like a bitch. So I don't say anything. I know I should just cut my losses with him but he's guaranteed sex. And I don't know how to move into that position with any of the other guys I've met. So the Canadian will continue to be continued until I finally decide to end things for good....